What? These three again? I thought we sent them packing only a few months ago. Look, ladies, we are unable to help solve whatever passive-aggressive issues exist between you. FOR THE LAST TIME:
1) Daughter on the left: You are on a bad path. Your expulsion from Catholic school for wearing lipstick and making out with boys in the church vestibule has driven your beleaguered mother to the "nervous hospital" for the third time this year. (And by the way, lady, would you please loosen your grip on that poor poodle? It has to breathe, too, you know.) Furthermore, get rid of that pack of cigs in your right pocket young lady. You're fooling NO ONE.
2) Daughter in the middle: I had you pegged as the conniving, goody-goody type last time you showed up here. The phrase "Poor Eve" was uttered specifically for greedy inheritance-grabbers like you, baby. Sucking up to Mom while she's vulnerable and highly medicated is despicable. However, seeing as your little sister is intent on screwing up her life in every way possible, I suppose you'll eventually have your hands on the folks' stock portfolio. But be forewarned, Penelope: Karma has a way of catching up with a person. I'd be sure to look both ways before crossing streets from now on.
And for God's sake, eighty-six the matching crowns, already! The fragile veneer of your suburban normality was shattered LONG ago.
There. My work here is done. Relax, everyone; I don't think these girls will be darkening our doorstep again any time soon.
|
(The Minnesota Prairie) 
Comes to the Rescue!
